


second to the rest of the world

by someonelikej



Series: Shiratorizawa Family [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bad Parenting, Bullying, Character Study?, Crying, Crying Goshiki Tsutomu, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Goshiki-Centric, Hugs, Letters, Lonely Goshiki Tsutomu, Protective Tendou Satori, Protective Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sad, Sad Goshiki Tsutomu, Shirabu Kenjirou is a Little Shit, Shiratorizawa, Team Parent Oohira Reon, Team Parent Semi Eita, Team Parent Tendou Satori, Team Parent Ushijima Wakatoshi, Team becomes a family, Ushijima cares a lot, give Goshiki a hug, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24860812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonelikej/pseuds/someonelikej
Summary: He never stood a chance in the first place.-Or Goshiki has been lonely all his life and for the first time someone makes an effort to change it.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu & Shiratorizawa Academy Volleyball Club, Goshiki Tsutomu & Tendou Satori, Goshiki Tsutomu & Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Shiratorizawa Family [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857982
Comments: 10
Kudos: 341





	1. a letter

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the the Day 1 prompt of the Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020. But also not really?
> 
> This is somewhat dialogue heavy towards the end, enjoy it.

It all had started with breakfast. Really. Goshiki knew it was childish to say such a thing, but it had all started with breakfast. Okay, maybe not everything. The fact his parents were not around a lot or that he was the only first year in a single dorm or the silent treatment he got from his classmates; all those things had started way before breakfast. But Goshiki liked to think on this horrible day that it all started with breakfast. Or actually the letter he got to read at breakfast. Call him superstitious all you want, the moment he saw who the author of the letter was, he knocked on the wood of the bench. Which in hindsight was as stupid as reading the letter while eating breakfast. The moment Goshiki finished reading the letter, his whole mood had already dropped. He slurped back to his dorm room, packed his bag with his belongings for the day and hoped with all his might he would turn invisible.

He did not turn invisible. Sadly.

In each and every class the teachers had to call on him. Out of nine classes, he could answer three times the questions and the other six he had stared at the teacher in utter confusion. His classmates had laughed at him and when he came back from lunch break, in which he had searched the whole campus in order to find someone to eat lunch with, there were a ton of little paper notes on his desk. He only opened two or three, before he realised that in each and every one of them, there were only vile messages for him to read. He wanted to cry. The four afternoon classes were a torture and he only managed to answer one of the questions. His homeroom and Japanese Literature Teacher kept Goshiki back after the lesson, it was the last afternoon lesson and Goshiki would have appreciated it if said teacher would have let him go to Volleyball practice. He needed a distraction.

"Goshiki-kun, are you alright? Normally you are a lot more attentive than this."

"I am sorry sensei. I am just excited to see my parents again this weekend." Lie. He was excited, but actually only to be able to play volleyball and to forget the troubles of his life for a bit.

"Ah, I see. I hope you have a nice weekend then. Tell Coach Washijou I am sorry for hindering you to be punctual for practice, would you?"

"Yes sensei."

After a sharp bow Goshiki left classroom and the school building, scolding himself for letting his bad mood get into the way of being a good student. He was not smart like Shirabu, who had also to work hard but actually was a curriculum ahead of his year. He had to put in a lot of hard work for his grades to be good enough for a full sports-scholarship, to have every expense covered. He needed to be on the top part of his class if he wanted to be able to take college entrance exams in a few years. Off days were something he could afford in middle school, not in a high school like Shriatorizawa.

And all this trouble only because of breakfast and this stupid letter, he thought more or less as he walked in to the second gym. It was empty. And this was where Goshiki's bad luck streak had pushed him too far. After looking in the other two gyms, finding neither volleyball players nor coaches, he sat down in the changing room complementing if he could take an all-out lecture from Coach Washijou. He decided it would show some kind of awareness of his presence, which by all means was better than the ignorance he felt from most of his year mates and other volleyball players. At least his existence would get acknowledged.

On his way to the dorms, he met no one and even though he knew his dorm was empty, he kind of had hoped to find someone to talk to in the room. But nothing. Everything was in the same order as he had left it on his way for classes. The orange letter from his parents on the table, his journal next to it. With a scream of anger and sadness he threw himself on the bed. Tears slowly prickled out of the corners of his eyes. Frustration was eating him up from the inside, Goshiki felt so helpless, every step he had taken had just been erased.

He was back on square one without ever actually taking a step forward. He had been an idiot.

He had been stupid enough to believe he had a chance. How could he ever think he could stand his ground, when he was competing against the world? He was just a small little boy and out there was the world. If he had to choose between those two opportunities, he would not choose himself either. His chest felt not less tight than before from knowing he would do the same. It was not him who had to choose, he was solemnly the one who received the painful end of the decision. He was the one had lost the competition. He had competed while knowing he would always come second place, while knowing that he never stood a chance. He was nothing to the grand world, maybe if he had been someone different, but not in this life. In this life Goshiki would always rank second to the rest of the world and he knew that. Goshiki knew he would always be the second place, second choice; he was used to it. The knowledge did not lessen the restriction on his breathing.

No.

He felt even more how the lump in his throat and the weight on his chest was growing. The thin arms of sadness and pain which spread slowly and gripped him tightly, knowing exactly where it hurt him the most. His breath became shallow and his tears had his pillow soaking wet already. Time had made the feeling of being second place less crushing. Less heart breaking. But now? He had expected it but still there had been hope in his bones, a tiny bit. A small little parasite of hope, it had been crushed this morning and now Goshiki had to pay the price for holding hope.

"You knew better than this. Baka. You knew they would not come home, would have been too damn much to ask for. Why am I so weak?"

He hugged his pillow closer to himself. He should have known better than to hope. Pathetic. This was so pathetic. He let the first sob escape his lips, with it all his hesitance to hold it in had been resolved, he loudly cried on his bed in his lonely dorm room. The pain was still in his chest, but he felt a bit lighter, a little less pathetic than before. Goshiki closed his eyes, waiting for himself to calm down. He could not do much besides anyways.

The sudden opening of his dorm room door startled the boy enough to scram in the corner of wall and closet. Out of sight for the intruder. It did not work.

Tendou's red hair was the first thing he noticed, then his big eyes. Wide eyes stared at puffy red ones. Goshiki curled his legs close, making himself smaller.

"There you are Tsutomu~ I was worried you got lost or something." Tendou's mouth spoke before his brain could pull a stop. The sight in front of him was one he did not want to see in his worst nightmares. Goshiki was not supposed to be sad. He was this firecracker of a first year with way too much drive and passion, but one just had to love him. Goshiki was not now, not ever supposed to look as heart broken and like a kicked puppy as he did now. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Bad day." Was the muffled reply.

"Uh huh." Tendou sat down on the bed, keeping a certain distance to Goshiki, but still close. Then he pulled up the blanket and threw it over first year. "And now please the real reason? A bad day by Goshiki Tsutomu looks different, this is not bad, this is an Alien Invasion on the bad scale."

"Iss nothing." Goshiki huddled the blanket around him making a tight cocoon, only his nose and strands of black hair peeked out through the small opening. Tendou could not see his eyes but he was sure that Goshiki could see him.

"Hush, it can't be nothing if you are crying on your bed and skipped practice." He shifted closer to the cocoon throwing an arm over where he guessed Goshiki's shoulder was. He felt how the younger boy shuffled a bit, then the younger leaned in to Tendou's side.

"Iss stupid then."

"Let me be the judge of that alright?"

"My parents wrote me a letter that they won't be around this weekend. They went on to travel for another 18 months. I haven't seen then in almost three years. I haven't spoken to them in about six months. I was so happy to see them again, I wanted to tell them about all the exciting stuff that happened. I wanted to catch them up on all those small things they normally never have the time for. I-"

A hiccup interrupted his rambling and Tendou's heart broke a bit more. Why would Goshiki think this was a stupid and unimportant reason to be devastated? He had every right to be sad and out of it. He would be hurt too, especially if it was such a long time. Oh Goshiki, he thought, how many times have we made fun about you with you around. How many times have you smiled at our jokes and were pained by their meanings? We should have been better upperclassmen to you, we should have made a safe haven for you just like the team is for me.

"I should be used to it. Between me and the world I'll always come second but knowing this does not make it hurt less. I think sometimes it hurts even more, because I dared to hope for once I would be the first choice. It's stupid, it should not hurt as much as it does." A sob rippled through his body and Tendou wrapped his other arm around Goshiki.

"Shh~ It's alright, let it all out."

"But, you know, I just missed them so much. I bundled my entire courage this entire week, just to ask them for a hug-" His shoulder shacked, he could not hold it any longer, he let himself cry in Tendou's arms. When had he become this desperate for human contact? He had starved himself too much it seemed. Goshiki did not really remember the last time he had been hugged since maybe the beginning of his third year of middle school. His grandmother who had been his spokesperson until that point had been delivered into the home for senior citizens less than two months in to his third middle school year. Since then he had barley seen her and had not even once been allowed to hug her.

Tendou did not know what to say. This was Goshiki Tsutomu, first year firecracker, telling him he had been gathering courage to ask for a hug from his parents. A hug. A freaking hug. Not something expensive or a material thing, no, he wanted one hug from his parents. They had done him wrong, Tendou reminded himself, they had done Goshiki wrong and it was not even his own fault. It was their responsibility as third years to include every club member, to make sure they felt safe. They had failed Goshiki who just wanted a hug from his parents whom he had not seen in almost three years. Tendou's arm wrapped themselves tighter around Goshiki, pulling the younger's side against his chest. Goshiki now almost sat on Tendou's lap.

"Why, did you never say something when we were joking about you, or when Shirabu is being mean with his critics."

"At least you acknowledge my presence. At least I know there is some kind of care behind those words. Hearing those jokes is better than being ignored by everyone else Tendou-senpai. It is easier to act obvious than to know that not one of your classmates wants to even interact with you. At least I know you care a tiny little bit, even if it is only related to our stats in Volleyball games." Goshiki's hand twitched under the blanket, should he really let loose of all those things which hurt him? How could he explain the affect the lack of parents had on him? He hiccupped, either he would understand or Goshiki lost a senpai. One more person who could not stand him did not really make a difference. It made a difference and Goshiki knew it, he may lose the only person aside from his grandmother to ever really accept him.

"Do you know how it is Tendou-senpai, to come home crying and having no one to care and wipe away your tears? To want a hug from your parents but there is no one in the house. To sit alone in the kitchen wishing someone was there to comfort you, because you really don't know what you have done to the other kids, but for some reason they hate you? To stay up until two in the morning only to hear your parents’ voices but there is nothing more than an exchange of formal pleasantries and they hang up on you asking a question." He paused, thinking back to the question the older had asked. "At least you acknowledge that I am existing. I just wish someone would actually do more than just acknowledge my presence. I want to be able to ask stupid questions, to not be laughed at for them, to-" Goshiki curled himself even more together. "I wanted one friend, maybe I asked for too much."

Tendou pulled Goshiki between his legs, also wrapping them around the first year. Goshiki was not asking for too much. Tendou used to ask for the same things, he had wished for a friend just like Goshiki did. But he had parents who loved him and were always there for him, they would wipe away his tears, he had known he was loved and wanted. Goshiki knew neither. The only people to show care were the team and even they, they had not been the nicest, not even he, Tendou himself. He was sorry, he was so sorry he had not made the volleyball team a safe haven for Goshiki. He out of all people should have seen the layered masks, he was a guess blocker, he read people like open books, how did he miss this?

"I am sorry Tsutomu; I pride myself in reading people like open books and yet I did not notice how much we hurt you. The volleyball team is my safe haven and you know this, I should have made sure it would become your safe haven too."

Goshiki pulled the blanket from his head, staring wide-eyed at his senpai. Why would anyone feel guilty for not noticing his pain and troubles? He got away unnoticed so many times and even his grandmother, could only do so much that he had stopped searching advice from her. No one ever felt guilty, most of those who saw his pain, were those who wanted him to suffer. Tendou should not feel guilty.

"Don't look so shocked at me."

"No one ever apologises. I don't understand why you feel guilty and apologize. You don't have to, I am happy to be able to play volleyball, even with the other first years who tend to avoid me." Goshiki had been overlooked so many times, it was strange for someone to apologize for doing so. Even though he wished for a friend, he did not expect anyone to ever apologize to him.

"Idiot, Tsutomu you are an idiot. You deserve a friend, someone who cares, someone whom you can ask all those stupid questions without being judged, you deserve someone who won't care how dumb your questions are. You are not asking for too much, Tsutomu, but you have to stop selling yourself short, it is not alright for you to think that I should not feel guilty for not noticing. I know how it is to come home crying because your classmates don't want anything to do with you. I know the pain of not being welcome in your own Volleyball team. I feel guilty for not noticing because I of all volleyball club members knew what to look out for. I should have been a better upperclassman to you. We all should have."

By this point they both were crying. Goshiki because he was suddenly emotionally overwhelmed and did not know how to react to the pain and hope and guilt as well as all other feelings he suddenly had to work through. Tendou was crying for his kouhai, because of all the pain he had bottled up and how he thought he needed to put himself down to make Tendou feel less guilty. He cried because Goshiki was missing friends and going through just the same pain as he used to, without an actual reason to explain the cruelty. Of course Goshiki could be loud and he had a drive and passion many people could not understand, but if you were strangers to him and did not know him, he was just a shy and a tiny cute boy, who tried his absolute best not to offend anyone. A small bean who just wanted a friend.

There were no reasons to bully Goshiki Tsutomu.

Tendou did not move until Goshiki had stopped crying, while his own tears were still running by the time Goshiki tried to ease Tendou's tight embrace. He relaxed his grip on the other, who seemed to slowly doze off. He sighed, tired himself, tomorrow he would talk to Goshiki about what he had told him, he would invite the younger over to his place. Tendou Satori would be damned if he let Goshiki on his own on this weekend.


	2. a hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went a bit wild for the Shiratorizawa Family series and invented first, second and third year Volleyball team players. As Shiratorizawa is a powerhouse school and known for having a large team, we only know of 12 player though, so I decided to solve the problem by adding 13 original characters to the team. Also I got Yunohama a first name.
> 
> Shiratroizawa Team Members:
> 
> Third Years:  
> Regulars: (Exist in the Manga/Anime)  
> Ushijima Wakatoshi - Wing Spiker (Opposite Hitter)  
> Soekawa Jin - Wing Spiker (Opposite Hitter)  
> Semi Eita - Setter / Pinch Server  
> Ohira Reon - Wing Spiker (Outside Hitter)  
> Tendou Satori - Middle Blocker  
> Yamagata Hyato - Libero
> 
> Additional:  
> Goya Itsurou - Wing Spiker (Opposite Hitter)  
> Domen Keizou - Middle Blocker  
> Hirai Daijirou - Wing Spiker (Outside Hitter)  
> Taketa Matsuki - Middle Blocker
> 
> Second Years:  
> Regulars: (Exist in the Manga/Anime)  
> Shirabu Kenjirou - Setter  
> Kawanishi Taichi - Middle Blocker  
> Yunohama Genko - Pinch Server/Middle Blocker
> 
> Additional:  
> Umeda Shouhei - Wing Spiker (Outside Hitter)  
> Isobe Narihiro - Setter  
> Morita Junnosuke - Libero
> 
> First Years:  
> Regulars: (Exist in the Manga/Anime)  
> Goshiki Tsutomu - Wing Spiker (Outside Hitter)  
> Akakura Kai - Libero  
> Shibata Yu - Wing Spiker (Outside Hitter)  
> Sagae Yuushou - Wing Spiker (Outside Hitter)
> 
> Additional:  
> Watanabe Koya - Middle Blocker  
> Suzuki Ryuuta - Wing Spiker (Opposite Hitter)  
> Haitani Yoshirou - Pinch Server/Wing Spiker  
> Rai Kenta - Setter  
> Onizuka Akitoshi - Middle Blocker
> 
> Yes I am serious for putting four Setters on the team, because aside from Shirabu and one of the first years, most of those players are on Sports Scholarships. I also think Washijou probably tries to get all position covered in every year so there never will be a lack of players should one be injured or suddenly choose not to come to Shiratorizawa.
> 
> I just have the positions for now, I'll add their heights later.
> 
> Enjoy the story and thank you for your patience.

One could easily say, that this Friday was not Goshiki’s day. First he had to survive Washijou’s lecture and then he had to run four laps around the campus, which took him two hours. After said two hours of running he had to get ready for school only to find most of his school books missing from his dorm room, which ended up in Goshiki missing the first lesson of the day as he was frantically searching for his books. Someone had put them into the girls laundry room, why, Goshiki did not want to know.

By the time the half hour break between third and fourth period was announced the male had already sat through a total of twenty paper balls thrown at him. His classmates were out for him more than usually and Goshiki was not sure why. He was never sure why, he did not understand his classmates, how could he? They went from ignoring him, to vile notes on his desk, to destroying or hiding his personal belongings, to talking bad about him, to physically hurt him. They just hated him and Goshiki was not even sure if it was his fault or not. May haps it was, but how was he to know, no one talked to the wing spiker, no one answered him if asked a question. It was as if he was outcast by rule. Even the first years on the team were partially in on it.

He shook his head. Not going down this road. Tendou-senpai likes you Tsutomu, he even invited you to stay over the weekend. It was his way to try and ignore the two boys and three girls who had stationed themselves around his desk, shielding the boy from the teacher, as they started to harshly rip apart any kind of confidence left in their fellow classmate and first year.

Tendou-senpai likes you. He thought as a tear rolled down his cheeks.

One person likes you, right?

"Look, now he cries." One of the girls was laughing maliciously.

"How can you not even take a tiny bit of criticism? Babies like you don't belong into the volleyball club." The boy, who just previously named Goshiki a waste of space, a slander for the schools reputation and an ape who had no use in the volleyball club, added. Before he hit the total jackpot by telling Goshiki that not even his parents really wanted him and probably only acted like they loved him.

Tendou-senpai likes me, right?

Right?

He shot up to walk out of the room, but they blocked him, then a third male forced Goshiki back to his seat and pressed him down by pinching his Trapezius painfully hard. The wing spiker squinched his eyes, tears streaming down his face, as they laughed louder. Right, Tendou-senpai likes you, why would he? Not even your parents like you, why did he even hope? People did not like Goshiki Tsutomu. People did not choose Goshiki Tsutomu to be someone they cared about. There was no reason to, the rest of the world was so much easier to like, to care about.

Does someone like me?

"You would not dare to hurt the volleyball teams favourite first year, would you?" Goshiki heard Shirabu before he saw him, which was a feat, as the second year setter was 175 cm (5'8.8") tall and easily towered over most of Goshiki's classmates. He sniffed, why would Shirabu come here for him and even try to defend him? He could think on top of his head a list of people who would fit better to be saved by Shirabu Kenjirou, not Goshiki. He was not worth to get defended, not by Shirabu, the setter often did not even conceal his dislike for the first year and his attics. He would not move a finger to help Goshiki. Then why was he here, seething of an anger Goshiki had yet to actually receive himself. Why would he say those words?

"Pfft, your favourite? Please, come up with a better joke than this, pretty boy." Those still in the classroom all laughed and sadly Goshiki had to agree with them. Why would Shirabu say this out of all the options. Goshiki was not their favourite. They liked Watanabe who worked hard on his serves better, or Akakura who voluntarily took the ball boy spot, or Rai who could make everyone laugh in a matters of seconds. Those three were integrated in the team, they had their places and so did the other five first years. Not Goshiki, they joked about him, they criticised him, they barely had good words for him to hear, he was just the over passionate firecracker no one really liked. He would like to hope he had misread the situations, but he knew it was true, Goshiki was not well liked. He knew that Shirabu would never come to his rescue for that reason.

Then why would Shirabu word it that way? To hurt him more? Goshiki felt even more like he was inadequate to be part of the team than he usually did. The team’s favourite first year, sure, their favourite first year to criticize. It made him upset, he could live with all those mean comments, Goshiki could live with all the pain they inflicted on him and the loneliness, however he could not live with Shirabu practically telling a lie to the first years. Was it not enough to ignore him or not give him any kind of tips when asked for, was it not enough to be a mean upperclassman during practice? Did Shirabu need to say those words hurting him even more, acting as though they cared?

"Aren't you a smart one?" Shirabu deadpanned. "Bother him one more time and you will realise Tendou is not half as scary as some other Volleyball club members. Now hush, hush you stink." He grabbed one of the males by the collar, pulling him close to whisper into his ear. "We would not want anyone to get hurt, would we?"

Shirabu had just threatened a first year, to stop them from bothering Goshiki. The Goshiki’s eyes were wide, still puffy and red from crying, full of surprise and fear? Shirabu stared back. Goshiki was afraid- Was the first year afraid of him? Goshiki was afraid of Shirabu, even after he had stopped the other first years, from going further. He took a step back, he had implanted fear in his Kouhai. He had fucked up.

"Goshiki-kun, Tendou-san is inviting you for lunch with Semi, Ohira, Ushijima, him and me." He could think about Goshiki being afraid of him later, right now he needed to stop the other first years from bullying Goshiki any further. One last death glare at the students, he left the classroom, he would need to inform the other four of their luck. Tendou first.

Goshiki did not know what had happened. The world was still turning normally and he had went through his last two classes with the same troubles as the two before. His brain had at some point stopped processing the material of the lessons and his papers were empty. Shirabu had done something nice and yet he was more afraid than any time before. He was afraid to get an earful, to be told he should have stood up for himself, to get another lecture only criticising him. Goshiki was afraid to hope for something good and to get hurt for it. Good things did not happen to people like him, to second choices, that was why no one wanted them. This act of ‘kindness’ inflicted pain on him and a fear of losing what he did not have in the first place, to be told it was his fault anyways.

Why would Shirabu try to be nice to him? After weeks of cold shoulders and never reaching out to the younger like he did to the other first years. After weeks of expecting him to do it on his own, to just take their jokes. Why would Shirabu defend him?

He pondered over the question as he made his way over to the table Tendou and Semi already had seized as theirs. He silently sat down next to Tendou, not even mumbling a short acknowledgement, blankly staring down at his food. He grabbed his chopsticks, bowing, thanking for the food, but he did not eat. Not while the rest of the group arrived and not while they ate. His throat felt tight and his stomach felt sick when he just thought about taking a bite. So he let it be, rather observing them eating and casually chattering.

He felt alone at a table full of people he realised. They all could chatter with each other, knew their common grounds, what the other was interested in. It made the male question if he had any interests himself, common grounds with the others. Anything to include him aside from volleyball, even if it was only one manga or something insignificant, just something to not make him more of an outsider. He felt Shirabu’s eyes on him, how the second year seemed to observe him while talking. Probably to assess the situation. He waited for his sentence, to be told what he already knew.

Volleyball used to be a way to blow off some steam, to get energy out of his system. He had kept playing it after primary school because he liked how satisfying it was to be tired after a good practice session. Then he had kept playing so he would not be all alone, then here people actually saw him. His love for the sports came in his third year of middle school, when he got the Ace position, now he was just this fire cracker using up the wood, which was left, losing the love he once held. How could he play on the team, when he was not part of it?

"I arranged this lunch, to talk about whatever problems Goshiki was not informing us about." Shirabu opened the conversation, gaze on the first year. "For example the fact that his classmates are bullying him." Here we go, here comes the lecture, but all that followed was silence. Goshiki felt their eyes on him, how they were trying to get him to talk. No sentence spoken, no judgment made.

"Tsutomu, it is alright, we will find a universal solution." Tendou had wrapped his lean arms around the first year, propping him against his side just like the previous evening. Comforting him through physical contact as he continued speaking. "I'll make sure of it, alright? But it is better if they know too, even their own faults. Let them try?"

The other four had taken in the red heads actions and noticed how Goshiki's eyes, now that he had lifted his head, were puffy. Shirabu also noticed just how empty and hallow Goshiki's own gaze was. How defeated his whole posture seemed, like he was waiting for them to speak a sentence he would not be able to change. For the second time Shirabu realised how much they must have fucked up for the teen to act like this. He did not trust them, he was waiting for them to tear him down too. They must have been assholes, he concluded, he himself at forefront.

"They don't like me, no one really likes me." He finally mumbles, only Ohira next to Goshiki and Tendou hear it. It was such a simple explanation and the third year wing spiker tries to figure out who exactly ‘no one’ is. "I am their favourite punch bag and victim when they need to make someone feel inferior to them."

"There is more to this, Tsutomu, please explain further." Semi exchanged glances with Tendou before he tapped Ushijima to get the ace's attention without alerting the first year. He made a hand motion as if he was writing, asking the fellow third year to write down what Goshiki had to say. The first year would probably not relay those information to a teacher, they would and they were going to.

Goshiki took a shaky breath, they were expecting him to explain his situation but what was he supposed to say. How was he supposed to say this? "Tendou-senpai?"

"It's just like yesterday Tsutomu, just talk, no one is going to judge. You are not responsible for their actions. You are not at fault for getting bullied."

Just like yesterday. Goshiki shook his head, yesterday it was only him and Tendou, yesterday he talked to a person he partially trusted, yesterday was not the same as this. He had cried because his parents decided he was not worth their time. Again. He had cried because he was hoping for a positive weekend, to talk to someone who was supposed to care. Yesterday was different because Tendou had never been half as bad as Shirabu was on his best days. Yesterday he would have lost one person, today he could lose four and anything worthwhile about volleyball.

This was not 'just like yesterday'. It was filled with a fear Goshiki knew and tried to avoid.

People did not like him.

"They take my stuff, I don't know how. They let my books, my shoes, my sports gear, about anything needed on a school day vanish. They love to throw paper balls at me, to write me vile notes explaining me I'm not meant to be part of the school. I- They go from either ignoring me to pushing me around, making me trip, finding other ways to hurt me physically. The worst about it is I don't know why, I don't know why they can't stand me."

"Why did you keep silent?" Ushijima asked, his mind putting together pieces he would rather not see in the picture. Ushijima was a simple person, for almost everything there was cause and effect in his mind. You plant a tree, you water it, it grows. Simple. This here was not simple though, there was no cause in the effect and he knew that. Goshiki could never do something to deserve such treatment and even some of his teammates behaviours did not in any way correspond with the first year’s own actions. There were no reasons to single out Goshiki, who tried hard and had made the most progress out of all the first years.

"One of the teachers told me to be more mindful of where I put my things and that I should not make my classmates responsible for misplacing them." Goshiki still remembered when he had asked for help, he got a lecture and was told he should be ashamed for blaming his classmates. He had stopped looking for help afterwards, there was no reason to when he would get lectured for it. "Another one told me there was no way anyone would bully me, I should just admit I lost my books and was searching for a scapegoat. I stopped asking for help after the third lecture."

What were they supposed to say after this confession? Had he asked one of the team members too? Had the third lecture been from a fellow student?

Semi closed his eyes, fully concentrating on the given information and what he had noticed during practice. There was not much, the first years did not really interact with Goshiki- Now that he thought about it, they did not interact with him at all. The second years often joked about him and Shirabu did like to nit-pick the first year's very being without hesitation nor a good word to nurse his wounds. Yeah, out of all of them Shirabu was the one who criticised Goshiki the most, no mistake forgiven. Some of his fellow third years also liked to joke and laugh about some of his shortcomings, which reminded him, Goshiki had never asked anyone on the team for help or got help for that matter.

Had they ignored Goshiki? Had he slipped under their radar? A rather loud 'fuck' slipped out and Semi's face burned up from all the unwanted attention he and the rest of the table got. A quite sorry followed shortly.

"I'd say we fucked up badly." Shirabu mutters to no one specific, the third years nodded in agreement and Goshiki quietly hid his face in Tendou's shoulder, trying to avoid the rest of the conversation and the attention of the other tables. He would get an earful he was sure, no matter how much they talked about how they fucked up, he would get an earful for not asking for help. But how could he have done that, when there was no help for such a simple thing as extra spiking practice?

Tendou pulled the younger even closer, is arms holding him tightly. He could see his gears turning, felt how he was stiffening. With one look he could guess the others thought process as saddening it was, he could not actually do something against it. This was the result of years of other people’ ignorance and them being inattentive when it came to him. The signs were so obvious now, Tendou still could not understand how he missed them, how he had let down Goshiki, who reminded Tendou so much of his younger self.

"Goshiki? I'll walk you to class, we got some things to discuss. Ohira? Would you please talk with Tanji, I think we might need to skip practice today in favour of examining our behaviours and considering how we keep Goshiki from getting bullied any further." Ushijima stood up, even though there was still plenty of time to get to class on time.

He was the volleyball team's captain and as much as Soekawa took over the public speaking part and was looking after the first years, he, Ushijima Wakatoshi, was in charge of the team's wellbeing. It pained him to know he had failed Goshiki who tried his hardest to be on par with him, who took pride in trying to become the teams next ace. He liked how adamant the first year was, how hard he tried to do his best, worked on improving himself, how the lack of reaction from him and the other team members did not seem to discourage him during practice. However Ushijima knew now that it was not true, Goshiki probably felt isolated and disconnected to them, not able to find common ground or the courage to talk so he could find some. He could not talk well to other people, Ushijima knew this, yet he would try his best to talk to Goshiki to let the black haired boy know that his lack of reaction did not mean he did not care. Goshiki was supposed to have a spokesperson on the team, he was supposed to be able to ask for help.

"Okay." Goshiki mumbled, not really ready to leave Tendou's embrace, yet he still tapped on the other's thigh to signal him to let go. Rising slowly his subdued posture was even more prominent to the others than before, he almost felt naked without any kind of person or table shielding his whole body. His first few steps were more stumbled than anything else as he tried to catch up with Ushijima who had already started to walk towards the exit.

No matter how hard Goshiki tried, he could not relax as he left the cafeteria with Ushijima. His whole being was on edge, he did not know what to expect and everything he thought would happen had not happened so far. He could not dare to rise his hopes even the slightest, he would not. Hope was a fragile little thing and it loved to pain him, Goshiki did not dare to hope for nice words, words which promised to help him and actions which backed it up. Hope was a tricky little thing and Goshiki had given up on hoping a long time ago.

Ushijima cleared his throat to get Goshiki's attention, he rued the action the moment Goshiki's head snapped around to face him, anxiety and a bit of terror shining in his eyes. God, how was he supposed to talk to Goshiki when he looked at Ushijima like this. He did not want to hurt him by saying words the other could take the wrong way. Goshiki should not have to be afraid for asking for help. In the end Ushijima decided to hug Goshiki. He took a step closer to the other and wrapped his arms slowly, almost hesitant, around shoulder and upper back. He pulled Goshiki against his chest, gingerly holding the younger afraid he had overstepped his boundaries.

A hug. That was unexpected. He felt how his tears gathered, how his eyes burned. He wrapped his arms around the Ushijima’s torso, silently crying in the other’s shoulder. It felt warm and different from Tendou’s hugs, and in a good way the hugs of both males felt very safe. Hugs were something he missed dearly, he knows there used to be a time where his parents hugged him and he can just barley recall the feeling of it. Goshiki wished it was not such an old memory to recall, wished he did not partially cry because he missed hugs like this, hugs which were safe and secure, reminding him of a steady presence in his life. His arms squeezed just a little tighter and there was just a small sob escaping his mouth.

“I apologise for causing you pain." His voice was soft and calm, of which the latter was usual, his arms tightened the embrace. "I did not mean for you to feel so isolated you feared to ask any of us for help. I was not aware enough of your wellbeing and did not realise how much pain it caused. I am truly sorry Goshiki, I will try to redeem those mistakes." Goshiki's tears had soaked his t-shirt and Ushijima could not find a bone in himself to mind it. He would try to do better as a captain not only for Goshiki but for the other first years as well, to do better so he was approachable even with his blunt statements. Ushijima wanted do become a better captain for his team in aspects not related to volleyball.

His head was still pressed against Ushijima's shoulder and Goshiki did not have the energy to move it away from there to see the captain's face. He solemnly nodded his head as a sign of understanding. Silently accepting that maybe just maybe trusting his upperclassmen would not bring him harm like he feared.

"Thank you."

"You are welcome." Ushijima paused, not sure if he should say what he thought or not. "Try to inform me when their mistreatment happens again or when you feel ignored by the team even after today's practice. I want to help you."

"I'll try." Was the muffled response he got. For Ushijima it seemed sufficient, they both would try and so would the rest of the team, the third year was sure of it.

They stood like this on the side of the hallway and most students walking by were too caught up in their own problems to notice the two. Goshiki was cherishing the feeling of this hug, not knowing if he would get hugged like this again, he was soaking up the perception of safeness he got from it. He hesitantly pulled away from the hug eventually ending it. As he looked up to face Ushijima, he felt ashamed and almost childish for considering the question he was about to ask. “Can I hug you more often?”

"I think that would be alright." There was a tiny smile on Ushijima's face and bigger one on Goshiki's his eyes shining bright with a childlike joy, no trace of the anxiety or terror they held earlier. Now it was the younger who initiated the hug and Ushijima was happy enough to hug him back.

Goshiki would not be harmed any more, not as long as the other four and Ushijima had a say in this situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for taking three weeks for writing this, but I had like four different scenarios written out before I even came up with the idea for this one. Also this is the unedited version and I hope you liked it.
> 
> Thank you so much for your nice comments on the last chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I am sorry for putting Goshiki through this pain. I have cried while writing and editing.


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